August 1, 2025
We need a Rule: Anyone involved in the creation of Microsoft One Drive gets the software inserted into their brain where it can never, ever, ever be shut down.
We need a Rule: Anyone you see in the supermarket who quietly transfers cherries from one open package to another to boost the contents before they buy, has to eat all of the cherries in the display, including the pits, while everyone watches. Plus they have to pay for them.
We need a Rule: Anyone who has a crew working in their yard on a hot day, who doesn’t offer them something cool to drink, has to work on the crew until the work is done.
We need a Rule: If you mock someone for their poor English, then you must apologize to them in their native language. If you can’t, then you have to study Polish, or Mandarin Chinese or Tagalog until you can apologize to them in their language, and then, order a complete menu in a restaurant, which meal goes to them on your nickel.
We need a Rule: The people who invented the gasoline pump video pitch screen you have to listen to while you pump gas…should be required to strap one to their heads and walk around with it for a week. Except the WAWA inventors, for them, one month because of the incredibly mind-numbing experience it creates.
We need a Rule: If the cost of the drink approaches the cost of a full bottle, they have to give you an unlimited bar tab for the evening. And if they whine about it, then they have to extend that to all the patrons.
We need a Rule: Anyone who uses profanity in their social media posts, thinking here F bombs and similars…have to write out 1,000 times “I will not use obscenity in a public forum” and then they have to eat the paper. For politicians, they have to write it out on an Amazon cardboard delivery box and then consume that.
We need a Rule: Whomever wrote out the script about the call being recorded for quality and training purposes is placed in an echo chamber with that being played at 3,000 decibels for an entire working day. If they change it to the real reason “We’re recording because frankly, if you sue we’ll have the goods on you” then they’re good to go…no echo chamber.
We need a Rule: The next time some wealthy guy complains that his assistant pays a higher income tax rate than they do, you know, that kind of fake altruistic thing, then the IRS gets to come in and bill him, get his tax rate up to his assistant’s. “No problem! Here’s your 1040 voucher for $2.6 Billion. Any other complaints?”
We need a Rule: OK, I’m not kidding here. We are going to a nice hotel for four days of R&R, given that hoisting martini glasses can exhaust us. So, we inquired into renting a poolside cabana.
“$1048” was the response.
“I said we want to rent the cabana, not buy it.”
“Oops! Forget. 20% gratuity, taxes, service charge…”
“Are you recording this?”
“Totals $1520! Wow!”
“That include some drinks?”
(Giggling) “Oh don’t be silly! Of course it does! A complementary Diet Coke!”
“Chilled?”
“Oh for that, $23.50”
So, we need a Rule. When you ask the price, you get the total price out of the gate, not the stripped down version. If they don’t do that, we get to speak to the manager who authors this pricing scheme and then he/she gets to use the cabana, free, for an entire day. Nice! Only thing…they are staked out in the blazing sun in their skivvies as we remove the cabana top. Then, if they want a covering, it’s $1048. Well, except that it’s not $1048.
