Close-up of golden barrel cacti with a “no stepping” sign, symbolizing unspoken boundaries and natural consequences.

Rules. We Need Rules. July 11 2025

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July 11, 2025

Rules. We need Rules. Here are some Rules we need.

We need a Rule: If you are eating in a nice restaurant with your girlfriend and there are things in French or Italian on the menu, or such similar high end culinary experience, you either have to take off your baseball cap, or the chef minces it in a blender and puts it in your soup which you then have to eat.

We need a Rule: If your golf polo shirt has any date on it older than four years ago, you have to bury it when you get home. And if it has a date older than ten years, we get to set it on fire, all the while dancing in a moving circle around the flaming garment. We just don’t want to look at it. Or, you keep the shirts and only you get to see them on you.

We need a Rule:  If a person with physical challenges is struggling with the door and you are making impatient clucking sounds and stamping your foot instead of helping…we get to take your foot and use it for the door stop, hold the door open for them that way.

We need a Rule: If you cut in and zoom in front of someone in the gas line at Costco, they get to shove a lit three pack of those little gas grill lighter things ($1.97) into your gas tank.

We need a Rule: If you don’t tip the diner breakfast waitress, who has probably gotten up at 4am to get to work to serve you your Three Three Three Breakfast, you have to eat all of the leftover food from the people who were in the restaurant when you were there. And if her name is Estelle or Jolene, you also have to drink all the leftover beverages because breakfast waitresses named Jolene or Estelle are national treasures. 

We need a Rule: If you flip someone the bird on the highway, thinking you can be safely aggressive from a distance, they can call your State’s Drone Hotline and have a Boeing MQ-28 Ghost Bat drone flown into your engine compartment.

We need a Rule: When someone is nice enough to wait and wave you through so you can make that left turn, and you don’t acknowledge your appreciation with your own appreciative wave, they get to ram your rear end at high speed and you have to pay for the damages to both cars.

We need a Rule: If you order a pair of pants from Vineyard Vines, which are very good pants (On The Go 5-pocket), and they send you dozens of emails about your purchase, walking you painstakingly through the delivery process, the pants are free. I mean, we don’t need to know that

”Good news! Bill just pulled them from the inventory stack and gave them to Earl for wrapping.” 

We need Rules.


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Rules. We Need Rules. July 11 2025

Close-up of golden barrel cacti with a “no stepping” sign, symbolizing unspoken boundaries and natural consequences.

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