81,000,000 people can’t be wrong…
Confidence is one of those things that can seem almost magical but also out of reach. When you have it, life feels smoother, challenges seem exciting instead of terrifying, and people are drawn to your energy.
But here’s the hard truth: confidence isn’t something you’re born with or without. It’s a skill, a mindset, a sense of being. But that is the good news. You can learn to be confident.
At its core, confidence is about trust. Trusting yourself to handle situations, trusting that your abilities are enough, and trusting that even if things don’t go perfectly, you’ll figure it out. It’s why confidence isn’t the same as arrogance. Arrogance assumes you’re right, while true confidence allows for mistakes. It’s knowing you can adapt, grow, and improve, rather than needing to always prove you’re the best.
“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” Norman Vincent Peale
Building confidence takes practice. There is no way around that. It starts with small wins…doing things that challenge you, acting despite your fear of failure, and recognizing your strengths. A big part of it is changing your self-talk…that babbling between your ears. If you constantly tell yourself you’re not good enough, not smart enough, or bound to fail, how can you possibly succeed? But if you shift that inner dialogue to something more supportive, even just a simple “I can handle this,” you’ll start to feel the shift.
Another trick? Act confident even when you don’t feel it. Posture, eye contact, and a steady voice all signal assurance, both to others and to your own brain. It’s the classic “fake it till you make it” approach, but it’s backed by psychology…when you behave confidently, you start believing you are. You become what you think.
Of course, confidence isn’t about never feeling doubt or fear. Everyone has moments of insecurity. The difference is how you respond to those moments. Do you let doubt stop you, or do you push forward anyway? Real confidence acknowledges uncertainty but doesn’t let it control the outcome.
“Life is not easy for any of us. But what about that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.” Marie Curie
I am a highly confident person. No matter what the situation, long life experience has taught me I know I can ascertain the relevant issues and deal with them. Now I must tell you that just like everyone else, I wasn’t born with confidence (to repeat, it’s a learned skill). I accumulated confidence through my life experiences. And this was possible because I was willing to challenge myself.
Unless you are willing to put yourself in the way of failure you can’t develop confidence. People lacking confidence are unwilling to do so, they should not then wonder why they lack it.
Consider what areas in your life need confidence, as a start.
I would often say to myself…If not me, then who? And if not now, then when?
Let’s say it’s something as common as speaking in front of a group. It’s why Toastmasters exists…there is a need.
Well, you can speak to an individual, correct? Highly confident, yes? Then, let’s ask this…how many people does it take to raise your fear levels to paralyzing levels and in what circumstances? I think you’ll find there are two aspects to that…the number of people and your command of the subject. That is, you might be perfectly comfortable speaking to a hundred people on a subject where you feel real expertise and knowledge. But you’d be out of your depth speaking to five people about something you know little about (you’d be afraid of being called out for mistakes, for example).
“When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.” Joe Namath
So, you see, one way to build speaking confidence is to know your subject matter, and the better you know, the more confident you become. When it came time for me to speak about my professional work (managing money), I had supreme confidence. That was honed over a half century of working in markets. I could speak to a room of 200 professionals and have no concerns about my ability to handle that. Experience gives you confidence, above all else.
Like everyone, I had a fear of heights. In my 30’s, I began the challenge of alpine mountain climbing as an interest. OK, overcoming a fear of heights is, well, kind of basic to that, right? Pre-climbing, I’d get nervous standing on ladder. But the more I climbed, the more my experience and abilities rose, the less my fear of heights. And today, I have no real fear of heights. In part, because I know how to control exposure. There are some situations in which I am afraid but that’s because I know by experience, I should be afraid.
“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” Anna Freud
How to begin to work on confidence? Here are several ways you can begin your journey. Please trust me when I say you can do this. I think anyone can. Your levels of confidence might not reach the same levels as others, but I can pretty much guarantee they will be higher (and in some cases, much higher) than they are today. Some of these may sound hokey and you might not do them all, but they all work!
Challenge Negative Thoughts. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. If your inner voice is overly critical, flip the script. Replace self-doubt with constructive, supportive affirmations.
“Confidence is not, ‘They will like me’. Confidence instead is, ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t’.” Christina Grimmie
Practice Power Posing. Your body language affects your mindset. Stand tall, pull your shoulders back, and keep your head up. Even a few minutes of strong posture can help shift your mental state.
Set Small Goals & Achieve Them. Confidence grows when you prove to yourself that you’re capable. Start with small, manageable tasks, and celebrate your wins.
Expand Your Comfort Zone. Regularly do things that stretch your abilities. It doesn’t have to be extreme…trying a new hobby, speaking up in a meeting, or initiating a conversation with someone can build resilience.
Learn & Prepare. Confidence often comes from competence. If you’re feeling unsure, take time to learn, research, or practice before tackling a challenge.
Dress for Success. Wearing something that makes you feel good can boost your confidence instantly. It’s not about impressing others, rather, it’s about feeling comfortable and empowered.
Use Confident Communication. Speak clearly, maintain eye contact, and avoid self-doubt phrases like “I’m not sure” or “This might be silly.” Own your words and ideas.
Visualize Success. Imagine yourself succeeding before you even start. Athletes use visualization techniques, and they work in everyday life too.
Surround Yourself with Encouraging People. Confidence can be contagious. Spend time with those who uplift and support you instead of those who bring you down.
I’d add, this is a basic ingredient to happiness in life in all things.
Practice Self-Compassion. No one is perfect. Instead of beating yourself up over mistakes, focus on growth. Confidence isn’t about never failing. Rather, it’s about handling setbacks with resilience. And humor…I can’t count the number of times I amused myself by watching me thrash unsuccessfully through something.
Building confidence is a journey, but every small step counts. It’s easy to get started and I can tell you that it feeds on itself. More confidence leads to more confidence and a continual positive cycle.
And if you stretch yourself, if you go to uncomfortable places and confront your fears, wonderful things can happen. This is one of the most-ever watched YouTube videos with over 81,000,000 views. Watch below.
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